My stepping down from office is also due to my Great Aunt Agatha, (from whom I borrowed the trained scribe that puts my words to parchment) who wants the wretched creature home in time to do her Christmas cards. As this may be the last installment of "Ask the Doge", I will leave you with a few letters that initially didn't make the first round of answers. It has been a great privilege to serve you.

Dear Doge,

My husband came back to camp completely drunk, and in the morning had a bear of a hangover. How can I prevent this from happening again?

Sincerely,

The Reluctant Barmaid

Dear Reluctant,

If you wish to prevent him from having a hangover, decapitation is an effective, if permanent solution. You could also lock him in the trunk of the car while he's ill from alcohol's effects and drive over some of the worst dirt roads you can find. If you are talking about preventing him from coming home drunk, simply wait until he leaves and then pack up and move the entire camp while he's gone. If he's a very hairy sort of person, wrap his entire body in duct tape and leave him lying in the middle of the list field. He can then provide the day's entertainment as folk watch him try to remove it (Yeowch!)

Dear Doge,

Does this doublet go with these hose?

Perplexed

Dear Perplexed,

Not really. Try the red hose with the gold striping instead.

Dear Doge,

How can I get my teenage son interested in the SCA? All he wants to do is be on his computer, all day long. Any ideas?

Long-Suffering Mother

Dear Long-Suffering,

Tell him, if he's old enough to get into armor, that the unbelted fighters are worth 10 points, squires are worth 25 points, knights are worth 50 points, and those wearing strawberry leaves on their coronets are worth 100 points. Then, tell him that if he manages to accumulate 3000 points over the next month in honest and honorable combat, you won't give his computer to charity. I guarantee you'll see his attendance rise.

Off to write my memoirs...
The Doge